stupid tears

YES I AM CRYING PROFUSELY..

I don't know why.. Feelings kinda took over my body.
And...I'm just upset..

I think I'm falling in love.. But this time, i'm taking it slow..
really slow to the point I dont know if it will work out..
I'm scared..afraid to lose that someone..
part of me wants him..infact i miss him..and i truly need him..
IM SO DEPENDENT ON HIM...

what effing happen to the independent me..
One who doesn't fall in love easily.
One who moves on and cant wait to carry on with the journey..
One whose strong and can surpass anything in life..

im getting weaker around you and i hate that..
i stil have my doubts..Will you wait for me??

even though we're not really together ...i feel hurt..
those words written on your wall..
what do you mean by goin back in time..?
what do you mean by taking chances last time?

i feel lousy.. like what am i to you?
are you trying to say that if only you had taken those chances last time,
you wouldn end up with me..?

OLALALA

Life has been great so far..

I'm seeing SOMEONE..

I'm dating SOMEONE..

I think I'm falling for him soon.. Like soon..

And I'm scared...



Don't miss me readers=]
Im going to be on Hiatus..
So much to do yet so little time ...

give up or what?

It's been years since I last blogged..

well..Life has been okay lately..
I just cant help it though..

Giving up on someone because you love him so much and you can't take the pain anymore..
It hurts to love someone and not get their love back in return..
Just thinking of him makes me smile even when the world turn their back against me..
Now..It's different...Totally different...

I GAVE UP..!!

and...
YOU..
so much of you helping me..
What kind of a friend are you? Why are you doing this to me?
After all that i have been through, siding you, helping you out..
Is this how you return back my favour..
Because of you, life ain't how it was..
and You cause it all..

:(

Vainport

Saddening isn't it when people are so full of themselves..
Like serious shit..
Can you guys please stop all this crap..

OOHhh..my hair.. my make-up..
my dress..my shoes..

ONE WORD: GROSS..

SUCH FUCKING VAINPORTS!!
you guys should GET A LIFE..
yes i know you guys are gorgeous but beauty is NOT forever..
every mirror you see.you guys need to check yourself out..
Please people..
The mirror will crack i think..

HERS TRULY

WHEN SHE SAYS YOU ARE CRAZY/WEIRD

-SHE IS REALLY CRAZY ABOUT YOU!

WHEN SHE ACTS SHY

-SAY I LOVE YOU

WHEN SHE RUNS AWAY FROM YOU

- CHASE HER

WHEN SHE PUTS HER FACE NEAR YOURS

- KISS HER

WHEN SHE KICKS & PUNCHES

- HOLD HER TIGHT

WHEN SHE IS SILENT

- SHE'S THINKIN OF HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU

WHEN SHE IGNORES YOU

- SHE WANTS ALL YOUR ATTENTION!

WHEN SHE PULLS AWAY

- GRAB HER BY THE WAIST AND NEVER LET GO

WHEN YOU SEE HER AT HER WORST

- TELL HER SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

WHEN SHE SCREAMS AT YOU

- TELL HER YOU LOVE HER BUT MEAN IT!!

WHEN YOU SEE HER WALKING
-SNEAK UP BEHIND HER GRAB HER BY THE WAIST AND GIVE HER A KISS

WHEN SHE'S SCARED!!!!!!!!!
-HOLD HER AND TELL HER EVERYTHING WILL BE OK CAUSE SHE'S WITH YOU

WHEN SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHINGS THE MATTER

- KISS HER AND TELL HER NOT TO WORRY

WHILE SHE HOLDS YOUR HAND

- PLAY WITH HER FINGERS

WHEN SHE SAYS SHE COLD

-SHE WANTS YOU TO HOLD HER TIGHT

can you understand me?

i envy people with companions whom they can relate to..
they have best friends, boy friends,close friends or just someone who listens to them..
who understand them..not completely..
who takes time to put their own self into ones foot..

what's the problem that lies in me..?
it's not that i don't tust anyone..
just that,i can't open up myself to people..
i just don't know how to put my feelings into words..

it's complicated how life is for me..
and i know i'm a liar a fraud..
i put up a good act infront of ppl..
they think i'm all smiles,care free life,no worries and a rainbow sensation..
fact is,i'm not..

just think of this..
having a boy friend who doesn't understand you..
who doesn't share his probs with you..
who doesn't even love you..
would you rant ur anger,ur complaints ur worries to him?
will he even be on the same page as you..

picture this situation..
ur friends be in close pals,besties or just casual buddies..
yeah it's true people have different background..
my clique of friends is so complex..
some have really good life,great family and it's so perfect..
i can't just share what's in me..
won't i be spoiling their mood..

or friends with other family probs..
finantial or just family conflicts..
and they themselves are trying hard to pull their lives together..
i don't want to add to their probs..

lastly,your family..
people think you're having one happy family..
fact is,it's already at the wits end..
one by one probs keep adding..
and you can't run away from it..
i want to talk it out to my siblings but i can't..
they are trying their best to cope in this situation..
and i have to be strong too..
mum and dad in a conflict..
dad cause it all and nobody wants to end it..
i can't confide mum coz she's finding ways to solve this mess..

who can i ever turn to but myself and GOD..
and yes,i cry alone and i don't want people to see it..
only GOD knows..
it hurts so bad and nobody can understand..
i wish for a miracle to happen..soon..
and i know that LIFE isn't as simple as it seems..


but im glad i made it here..
every thing happens for a reason..
and I LOVE YOU GOD!!
thank you for giving me hope..
and listening to me,accompany me cry..

50th post

My 50TH POST..
I have been pretty busy with work so I think i shall be on HIATUS..
A lot has happen lately in my life..
And i feel stupid keeping it bottled in my chest..
I fucking don't know where to pour it out...
This blog is DEAD..I gues..

Till then,enjoy the breeze while you can..
It won't go your way for sure..
So never take it forgranted..

women

Is this really true?

☆~ When she stares at your mouth = "Kiss her"

☆~ When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you = "Grab her and don't let go"

☆~ When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tuff = "Kiss her and tell her you love her"

☆~ When she's quiet = "Ask her what's wrong"

☆~ When she ignores you = "Give her your attention"

☆~ When she pulls away = "Pull her back"

☆~ When you see her at her worst = "Tell her she's beautiful"

☆~ When you see her start crying = "Just hold her and don't say a word"

☆~ When you see her walking = "Sneak up and hug her waist from behind"

☆~ When she's scared = "Protect her"

☆~ When she steals your favorite hat = "Let her keep it and sleep with it

for a night"

☆~ When she doesn't answer for a long time = "Reassure her that everything is okay"

☆~ When she looks at you with doubt = "Back yourself up"

☆~ When she says that she likes you = "SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!!!"

☆~ When she bumps into you = "Bump into her back and make her laugh"

☆~ When she tells you a secret = "Keep it safe and untold"

☆~ When she looks at you in your eyes = "Don't look away until she does"

☆~ When she says it's over = "She still wants you to be hers"

☆~ When she reposts this bulletin = "She wants you to read it"

☆~ Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything

☆~ When she's mad hug her tight and

don't let go

☆~ When she says she's ok don't believe

it, talk with her because 10yrs later she'll remember you

☆~ Call her at 12:00am on her birthday

to tell her you love her

☆~ Treat her like she's all that matters to you

☆~ Stay up all night with her when

she's sick

☆~ Watch her favorite movie with her or

her favorite show even if you think

it's stupid

☆~ Give her the world

☆~ Let her wear your clothes

☆~ When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

☆~ Let her know she's important, kiss her in the pouring rain

ouch..

it hurts a lot..
it really really hurts..
i just can't take it anymore..
every time i think about it,those bloody tears keep dripping..
drop by drop hitting and crashing my lil fantasies..

it hurts so much..
'we complete each other..my only___ and his only ___.'
those words..
belongs to them..yes them but not me..

and i have indeed given up..
the battle haven't even started..
call me a coward but i know giving up now means getting less hurt later..
i know i'll lose even if i fight..
let this be an eye openner for me to start anew..

but i just can't..and i must learn to..
damn it..
when the distance gets further,i chicken out..
please God,help me..
light my way..

love is in the air

LOVE IS ALWAYS BLIND..DON'T YOU THINK SO??
READ THIS...

dude: I love her more than the air I breath

chick: well im always here for you.

dude: I know.

chick: What's wrong???

dude: I like her so much.

chick: Talk to her.

dude: I don't know. She won't ever like me.

chick: Don't say that. You're amazing.

dude: I just want her to know how I feel.

chick: Then tell her.

dude: She won't like me.

chick: How do you know that?

dude: I can just tell.

chick: Well just tell her.

dude: What should I say?

chick: Tell her how much you like her.

dude: I tell her that daily.

chick: what do you mean?

dude: I'm always with her. I love her.

chick: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me.

dude: Wait. Who do you like?

chick: Oh some boy.

dude: Oh... she won't like me either.

chick: She does.

dude: How do you know?

chick: Because, who wouldn't like you?

dude: You.

chick: You're wrong, I love you.

dude: I love you too.

chick: So are you going to talk to her?

dude: I just did.

uber uber cute..if only he would..
argh..forget it..

meanings..

i find this rather cute but quite true:)

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes U up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Life and Friends

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the one's who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons;
once you let them go, you might not get them back.
Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that
we may not even notice that we've let them fly away.
Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong
that we forget what's right and wrong.
Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means
until it is too late.
I don't want to let that happen so
I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

sorry guys for not blogging..
was effing busy:(

stupid world

i am so stupid..i know that it cannot happen..
i know that it will NEVER happen..
it was such a clear cut for me..
who was to blame??

at first,i played along with the game..i know it was impossible between us..
but i just carried on..hoping that one day he'll wake up from the fantasies..
soon,i fell into it..
i started believing about the possibilities..
and i know that it can never happen but i still go on..
i was such a stubborn bitch..
i didn't realise i was going the wrong way..
i started loving him..i began to crave for him..
what an idiot..

then,it ended just like that..
he realises that it WAS impossible between us..
he left,taking his heart away from mine..
'how can two people chat online and fall in love..'

but that's okay..i can pull this through ALONE..
now i'll be waitin for the sun to rise..
a new beginning..and out i go with a feeling of hope..

in a girl n guy head..

When you catch a girl
glancing at you,
she wants you to look
back and {{smile}} =)

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl bumps into your arm
while walking with you
she wants
you to hold her hand

_______________________________________
_____

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there

_______________________________________
_____

When you break a girls heart
she still feels it when
you run into each other 3 years later

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through
her
mind

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl looks at you with eyes
full of
questions,
she is wondering *how long you will be
around*

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after
a
few seconds,
she is {{NOT}} at all fine

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl stares at you,
SHE IS WONDERING WHY YOU ARE PLAYING
GAMES WITH HER ):

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl lays her head on your
chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers
FOREVER

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl says she can't live
without you,
she has made up her mind that YOU are
her future

_______________________________________
_____

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more
than that

_______________________________________
______

When a girl is mean to you after a
break-up
she wants you back, but shes
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever

_______________________________________
_____



Guy Facts:


When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you.

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy says, "I'm fine." after a
few
minutes
he means it

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him and
wonders if you do

_______________________________________
_____

When your laying your head on a guy's
chest,
he has the world

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy calls/texts/comments you
everyday,
he is in love

_______________________________________
_____
When a (good) guy tells you he loves
you,
he means it

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy says he can't live without
you,
he's with you till your done

_______________________________________
_____

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have
ever missed him or anything else

aww..sweet :]

Girl: do i ever cross in ur
mind?

Boy: no.

Girl: do u like me?

Boy: not really.

Girl: do u want me?

Boy: no.

Girl: would u cry if i left?

Boy: no.

Girl: would u live for me?

Boy: no.

Girl: would u do anything for me?

Boy: no.

Girl: choose-- me or ur life?

Boy: my life.

The girl runs away in shock and pain
and the boy runs after her
then says...

The reason u never cross in my mind is
because u're always on my mind..

The reason why i don't like u is
because i love u..

The reason why i don't want u is
because i need u..

The reason i wouldn't cry if u left is
because i would die if u left..

The reason i wouldn't live for u is
because i would die for u..

The reason why i'm not willing to do
anything for u is
because i would do everything for u..

and

The reason i choose my life is
because
YOU ARE MY LIFE..

it's so sweet man..i wish someone would say that to me..

he said that to me..

-n i think i had u in my mind wen i was thinking these words..
-i think u r smart enuf 2 know wot simplicity means?? rite ?
-simplicity not only means.....
being very simple in da way u dress(babe)........
the way u tlk.....n walk..
its all abt the heart n soul...
-n according 2 wot i think........
u r beautiful at ur heart as well as soul..

-my kind of girl is a girl.....who believes in herself......
her simplicity speaks it all......her attitude 2wards life is 1 thing wot matter's..
-beautyy n blah blah....its got nothn 2 do with love...love itself makes a person beautifull..
-u dont need 2 have gorgeous eyezzz....or sensuous lips.....
n marvellous features..m happy wid ur smiless

so all i wud end up saying is
-U R PERFECT......!!!
-i like u the way u r

compliCated

women..like me for instance..
are different in many ways but when it comes to love..
it might be a bit similar...
most are still confused about it and feeling kind of complicated..
just like me=)

you may hate a guy one moment but after that,it might be a different story..
like they say looks are important as first impression counts..
but soon,it's the charm that melts our heart..

i may be a teenager but i experience love too..
it is just that maybe it is not the right time for me yet..
i ain't a bitch..and i ain't a despo..
i prefer falling deeply with someone then just using him as pleasure..
im not inhuman..i don't toy with feelings..
and when the time is right,when the guy is the one i want to be with..
i will know it..

bgr can wait..just because you have a boyfriend does not mean you're mature..
that's wrong..but girls think of it this way..
and they thought the title 'girlfriend' means they can DO anything with him..
now that is stupid okay..

why waste your virginity on someone who uses you as pleasure..
TAKE NOTE:women have feelings and we're not toys!!

anyway,i really can't decide??
i hate Allan but i know how he feels towards me..
i like J.S but i can't seem to accept his past..
i think i'm in love with Iz but he got a gf already..
and and..the list is endless...

whatever it is..i just can't decide..
they might like me but i'm scared they won't accept me..
i'm more than just that..they don't know yet..
and 'that' refers to the real me..

help me!!

should i?

i am so confused..
i like him but i don't like him..
and i feel so bad for rejecting those dates..
should i date him??

my friends say i should but i don't know..
he sounds nice and fun..
i mean can he be trusted??
zack says that everyone has a dark side..
and going on dates does not necessary makes me his girlfriend..
so i should just go out with him..

haizzz.......
i can't decide??

half-hearTed

Goodness..i'm so utterly shocked..
Not that shocked..but still a bit shocked..
i mean it is so hard to get virgin man nowadays..

J.S called me and we chat awhile..
and guess what,i couldn't meet him this friday..
got some plans to do..he was fine with it actually..
and then he talked about sex..
i call it sexual education..

he blobbed and blunder..and he said it..
he done it before..Numerous time..Yes,it's sex..
i haven't even met him yet..he scares me now..
and i feel like not meeting him..he can do anything do me..
you never know..
but i still want to meet him..
no harm being friends right??
but??

i feel so heart-broken..i mean i din't expect him to be that kind..
i thought he wasn't that type..
but i was wrong..and i don't have the rights to judge people..
i don't know..
i feel like crying but it's no use..

and the thing is,he's not the only man who's not a virgin..
there's so many out there..
but whatever it is..
i'm glad i'm a virgin and proud to be one:)

dates?

Girls day out was so much fun..
met up with sarah,syaz,amy and lisa..
thank god sarah wasn't tat upset anymore..
incase you dIdn't know,she just had a major break up with HIM..
so we were there to comfort her and gossip all day long:)

it was uber great at first until we saw Allan at starbucks..
he was smirking happily and omg,he even winked at us..
but lisa was making a point that he was winking at me..
euu..gross..i could almost puke!!
when i say i want Allan out of my life,i mean it ok!!

then suddenly my damn phone rang..
omg,it's him.. J.S
i could feel my face burning hot..
we chat and he asked me out on a date..
i so can't believe it at first..
i leave him to decide where he wants to bring me..
yey..im on cloud nine:)))